One word "cancer" has changed my attitude, priorities and outlook on life.
This past year has been a world wind of emotions and has changed my outlook on the way we live, friendships, how we spend our free time and the people we choose to open our hearts to. I have been struggling with the pain of both of my parents having cancer.
My mama, who is my rock, best friend and biggest cheerleader was diagnosed with Stage 1 adenocarcinoma (non-smokers lung cancer). Just the word "cancer" sent chills through my entire body and caused me to be very depressed. Everyone I have known who has had cancer have passed and the thought of losing my mama, Lexi losing her YiaYia, was too much for me to process. All I wanted to do is sleep, I didn't have any energy and the only bright ray of light was my sweet daughter. Mama's wonderful team of doctors at the Mayo Clinic didn't waste anytime and performed surgery to remove the spot and a portion of moms right lung. Surgery was a success- all the cancer was removed and it did not spread to any other organs or her lymph nodes. Thank you Lord. I was coming out of my dark cloud that had zapped my energy and started to refocus on getting back in shape and new hobbies with Lexi.
Then another blow hit our family, my daddy was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung and liver cancer. His oncologist gave him 3-6 months to live and being 3000 miles away is so difficult. The dark clouds returned and I fell into a deep depression. Every ounce of energy I have goes towards being the best mommy and wife I can be along with cooking, keeping the house clean, doing the laundry and trying to rehab my shoulder. The exercise classes I teach are a great relief of stress but remembering all the little insignificant things on a daily basis isn't happening and my lists pile up on the passenger seat of my mini van. My weekly moms group (WTG) is wonderful and I feel like I had a huge shot of espresso after a couple hours with the amazing women and our fearless leader.
I struggle with the thought of losing my parents although I know it is the reality in life. These 2 people fell in love, brought me into this world, gave me an fabulous life and have loved me for 45 years unconditionally. I am trying to come to terms with losing my daddy within the next few months and I have been writing a journal of all the things I want to say to him before I lose him. When we talk I tell him some things, talk about great childhood memories and thank him for being a the best daddy. Since we are so far away, I face time with him so Lexi can see him and visit with him. Listening to my sweet daughter talking with her Papa Rog warms my heart!
These painful situations have greatly changed my outlook on life. My family is the most important thing in my life. My husband and I have both chosen to surround ourselves and our daughter with the people we love and true friends. Our time on this planet is so precious and one never knows when the end will come. With this, we have decided to live life to the fullest each and every day, create memories with family and friends, give back to others and most importantly be kind.
I am a type A personality and have always wanted to take control and be in control but this has softened me and I now choose to roll with it and have a more relaxed attitude. The days of drama, friendships that were more tears than joys, being used by others for their selfish needs/agendas and working long hours for the bigger house or fancier cars are gone. Time with loved ones and being happy is our goal. This has also helped our marriage and brought us closer as a couple along with being better parents in raising our daughter to be a kind, loving, caring, smart woman.
I am scared about losing my parents and the unknown but I try to wake up each day happy that I indeed woke up, try to rise above the dark cloud, surround myself with loed ones and genuine friends and be the best I can be.
Love your parents, children, spouses, be kind and appreciate each and every day because you never know what tomorrow will bring.
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